Living in Limbo, my last entry

I've been writing this blog for a year, ranting, raving and relishing in reporting from Memphis. Now, as our second Memphis in May celebration approaches, John and I find ourselves in an ambiguous time - waiting for events to unfold so we can return, like prodigal children, to the east coast we foolishly abandoned in our grand mid-south experiment, after having rooted ourselves so well in Baltimore. John leaped at the chance to work in private industry for the first time, only to be disappointed for the job does not live up to its promise. I encouraged the move as I was anxious for change, bored with my consulting work and finished with endless travel to dying industrial cities. Now, struggling in my attempt to write, I, once again, wrestle my constant demons--internal confidence and identity as I scratch to uncover buried creativity and voice.

Writing is an endless cycle of change. I'm laboring on my fifth draft, attempting to craft the words that bring its characters and story into brilliant focus to captivate its readers. I accepted the criticism of my draft readers, understanding clearly that I have more work to do. Now, I'm consumed by it, throwing aside all other activities, including this blog. I must have it ready for a writer's conference in June where I'm having the 300 plus pages evaluated by an agent. With that feedback, I'll revise again and hopefully begin the long search for a publisher. I've also started a second book. The writing life is settling into my bones.

The story is founded in sailing and writing about sailing makes me yearn, once again, for the sailing life. When I think of where I was most at peace over the years, it's always been on the water in a boat being cradled by the currents and winds. It's the only activity I've ever been passionate about, besides my work. I'm committed to return to the Bay and to sailing, perhaps as an instructor or working in the sailing industry. My plan is to become a certified instructor, then see what the muses have in store for me. John's willing and excited to be my sailing partner, but he will take lessons from someone else and ensure our 16 year relationship endures.

But when will we return? The Memphis house languishes on the real estate market which is down 38% from last year in our city. In the four months it has been listed, only two showings occurred. We've painted, mended, cleaned and decluttered, but to no avail. We should not move until it is sold, unless John can secure a job back east after he finishes in 18 month relocation commitment to FedEx (July 2nd). Even then, it is risky financially to leave it empty.

So we are living in this time of limbo - neither here nor there, waiting.