What is really nice is to have a home that is only 14 years old, not 100 years old. The floors are level (no more desk chair drifting), the walls are all drywall (no more flaking 100 year old plaster dusting up the house), and the setting is park like (no body uses our side walk in front of the house for a garbage can).
Did you know there is such a place as the "mid-south"? I'd never heard the term until I turned on the radio to here 91.1 declare itself the "NPR of the mid-south." Seems like everyone around the Delta uses the the term. Well, we are now Memphians, from the mid-south and we sit at the top of the Delta country.
This is a different kind of place, a more polite place where everyone says "How you doin' " or "Hello" when you pass on street. It appears to be a city of manners. Anyone who went to school around here says "Yes, ma'am" and "No, ma'am". One of the young men helping to build my office out back in the garage startled me the first time he said it. I just said, "My name is Dorine, if you don't mind," and he said, "Yes, ma'am." To go over our plans, I asked him to sit down, but he just stood there and said "Yes, Ma'am." I stated it as firmly as I could. "Sit down, Todd." I commanded. "Yes, "Ma'am" he responded and sat. Couldn't get him to say my name no matter how hard I tried. The lesson learned here -- just get used to it and don't try to change southern tradition. Luckily, the other guy is from Chicago so we talk the same language
Even when these people tell you no, they do it in a style with a softness that would never happen back in Baltimore. For instance, two weeks ago, John and I went to a "Great Discussions" event at the University of Memphis. I sat at one of the 26 tables, each hosted by a professor who focused on a particular topic. I chose "Southern literature: An examination of backwardness". It was a pleasant and safe discussion with seven women and one man (all of us white) until the topic of race came up. The elderly white haired southern lady declared, “I don’t see what the problem is. We all got along back then. I never saw any discrimination. I don’t know what all the fuss is about.” With that said, she daintily wiped a small bit of cheese cake from the corner of her mouth. The rest of us around the table sat silent. I ascertained it was useless to engage this little lady (I imagine her cotillion had been magnificent) in any meaningful discussion. The table host swiftly interjected with a question to the group to restart the conversation, "What books have you all read lately set in the South?" We all started talking and commenting. Another woman at the table is a known local author who writes about Memphis. It seems everyone knew her and were somewhat in awe of her as she had been the "history" columnist for the Commercial Appeal, our Memphis newspaper. Anyway, she started to list the books her book club had recently read. I found the whole discussion fascinating, wanting to learn more and participate in more in depth reviews. At the end of the evening, I asked the writer upon leaving, “You mentioned you belonged to a book club. Are there any openings for new members?” Aghast, the writer, leaning on her cane, looked down at me over her glasses, drew in a depth breath, smiled sweetly and drawled, “Honey, of course not. We are all old friends.” She then added “It was good to get a Yankee’s view tonight,” and waddled away. The South must be full of steel doors like these that shut gently, but oh so sharply.
If you are interested in exploring the idea of Southern backwardness through its literature, I recommend The Nation's Region: Southern modernism, segregation and U.S. nationalism by Leigh Anne Duck, our table host. It's a good, if not academic read.
What's the ultimate in politeness so far? When the movie ticket seller automatically gives you the senior discount. It's happened twice now. Can you believe it? I look that old down here? In the fine print, senior is 60, not 65. John says it's because he is so gray now. I don't believe him. It's really time for a trip to the cosmetic surgeon!
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